Buy Behold the Kickmen PC key

Behold the Kickmen: The Hilariously Inaccurate Football Simulation

Experience football (or should we say, "foot-like-ball-related-activity") like never before in Behold the Kickmen! Born from a whimsical Twitter joke, this isn't your typical football simulation game. Prepare for the least-exciting and mostly-incorrect take on the beautiful game you've ever seen. Forget the official Laws of Football; this is football reimagined through a lens of blissful ignorance.

Become a Legend in the Big Boring British Football Spreadsheet System!

Embark on a single-player journey, starting at the very bottom of the Big Boring British Football Spreadsheet system. Grind your way through grueling matches, mastering… well, something resembling kicking, passing, and tackling. Lead your squad to unprecedented glory, claiming the World Cup title and proving you're the best at whatever this version of football is!

Key Features: Kicking, Passing, Tackling, and Story Mode Mayhem

Behold the Kickmen offers a unique blend of gameplay elements. Master the art of kicking–ish, passing–esque, and potentially tackling-like maneuvers. Dive headfirst into squad management, making crucial (or maybe completely inane) decisions. And brace yourself for a full Story mode packed with overblown melodrama, ridiculousness and choices that are… questionable at best. So get ready for an adventure like never before.

Two Games in One: Football or Dystopian Bloodsport!

Hate football? No problem! With the flip of a switch, transform the entire game into a Dystopian Future Bloodsport! Enjoy the same "football" gameplay with a darker, more violent twist. Two ways to play, double the absurdity!

Important Note: Single-Player Only!

Please be aware that Behold the Kickmen is a single-player experience. There is NO online multiplayer and NO local multiplayer. This game is designed for solitary football (or bloodsport) shenanigans. Buy it for the single-player journey and quirky, off-the-wall gameplay.